I puked a lego.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
