he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
