I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
