Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize