"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
