Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
