I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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