oh god the rape fog is back!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
