A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
