God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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