there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
