just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
