He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
