Barsexuality is the new black.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
