C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
