Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
