Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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