just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
