Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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