I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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