i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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