i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
