My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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