I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize