He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
