So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
