I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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