..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
