Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
