We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you remember whose house we're in?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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