wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
pop tarts are not kleenex
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
