Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
