The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
