Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
