bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
