I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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