First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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