oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
