I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
