I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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