Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How does it feel to date your dad?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
