You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
