I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
