i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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