Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
