What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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