she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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