Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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