My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
