addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
