I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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