I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
