i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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