God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
