call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
