3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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