My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
