Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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