my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
