I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize