Define "chronic" masturbator.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Vodka?
Forever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
