I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
