What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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