he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
