a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Ketchup is God's man juice
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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